Thursday, February 13, 2014

Oh defeat...


I swear, the devil himself has the easiest job ever here this morning. I am in a fantastic mood this morning (yes thats sarcasm Sheldon), and to top it off, the dog decided to get himself off his chain outside and go for a stroll around the neighborhood. (Dont worry folks, he only uses it to go potty because we dont have a fence. He isnt left on it.) I feel awful. Just defeated today. So much to do, so little motivation to do it. My depression has been trying to take over. Again. Ugh. I am so over winter. It is always worse in winter. Short days and being cooped up inside make me crazy. I need sunshine and to be outside. But even then its not always enough. 

I always have the thoughts that "if I can just get such-and-such done, then everything will be fine." What a lie. I know thats not true! I know that there is never going to be a completed list. Its just not possible. Our lives are forever changing. Schedules change, jobs change, life changes. I am so thankful it does. My greatest fear is that the season we are in now will never change. That we wont be able to move forward. That my life will be a endless cycle of trying to play catch-up and feeling defeated when I cant actually catch-up. 

So I have this ginormous list. Yes, ginormous. 95% of it involves cleaning my house. I don't mind a few dirty dishes, or toys on the floor. But right now the clutter is taking over. There is a lot that needs to be organized and cleaned. Like every room in the house needs some sort of major work. It feels very very overwhelming. So overwhelming that sitting here in my pj's on the couch all day sounds like a fabulous idea. But doing that will make me feel worse. So I'm going to end this, get up off my rear, and go to get dressed. Then maybe run the dishwasher. Since its, ya know, loaded with dirty dishes. Maybe when hubs gets home we can tackle the office together. It needs the most work. 

Its a new day, a new chance to get done what needs to be done. A new chance to move forward. And most importantly, a new chance to love those around me. Wish me luck y'all! I'm going to need it to make it through today! 

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