Monday, May 21, 2012

parts 3&4 will just have to wait

so I should have been working on the rest of our story from the first part of the month. SORRY! Its just going to have to wait a little bit. I promise some super awesome pics (ok they are just ok pics but the people in them are amazing!) are coming from our ball and I have some super cute pics from our ever growing garden to share too. But It seem slike this week, God has been tugging on my heart in a new direction.

We have TONS going on right now. This month is flying by so fast. It makes me really sad. I have been begging for warmer weather, and nicer days, and all the things that come with a North Country summer but the sooner it gets here, the sooner it will be gone...and we will move again. So I am trying to savor every moment.

So far this month we have attended our last military ball, raised money/walked 3 miles for March for Babies, planted our garden outside, helped our bff's demolish their kitchen (the renovation is going awesome! pics of it to come later too!), made gifts for teachers, spent more days playing outside than inside, attended a Mothers Day tea at J's school, started tball games, attended J's spring concert, helped at church during District Assembly, had the washing machine quit, nursed J back to health after a nasty cold (over mothers day no less), played in a church league softball game, found out our tenants at our rental moved out with no notice 3 months early, and learned more than I could ever imagine duirng it all.

I think I learned more in the last 3 weeks than I have in months. For the first time I am starting to see the fog lift. Starting to feel like things are really falling into place. And amazingly I am not freaking out about them. Even the renters moving out. Dont get me wrong I had my moment of panic when I first got that phone call from our property managers, but thanks to my amazing husband, good friends, and my faith that God WILL provide for us, I made it through that "moment" with no lasting anxiety. Where did all this calm come from?! I havent been getting up to do my yoga in the morning like I wanted to, my house is no where even close to being as clean as I would like, I feel like most days I have a bigger to do list than time to do it in, and have had plently go wrong. I shouldnt be so calm, I shouldnt be so ready to just keep moving forward. But thats right where I am. cause the one thing I did change was to pray about it, and give it up to God.

For months I kept my depression/trauma/anxiety a secret (as best I could). My closest friends knew something was up and have done the best they could to see me through it. My husband knew and did all he could to stand by me and let know that he was there for whatever I needed. Turns out I needed more sunshine, more open prayer, and some awesome sermons from Pastor Chad and Life church. I needed to hear that it was ok to not be ok. I needed to be reminded that God KNEW. God saw everything that was going on in my life and KNEW what I needed, what was good, and wanted nothing but that good for me. I needed to be told that I need to let go of my nets around me. Those ones I keep tripping over (those things I keep holding onto as if they are going to sustain me the way only God can). I had to let go of the financial worry, the "after the army" worry, the body image issues, the "what will so-and-so think" attitude, and just give it all up to Jesus. I cant handle those kind of nets, those burdens. I just cant. and let me tell you what, its freeing, its amazing. Do I still have times when I feel overwhelmed and anxious or sad or scared? Damn straight I do, but I remind myself that God is so much bigger than this. He WILL provide exactly what we need. Might not be what I want (case in point: I wanted my husband home from deployment, but not the way it happened. God knew I needed him home and how it was going to happen to bring us both closer to Him). I NEED Jesus. I need bringing glory to Him to be the top thing on my mind everyday, top of my "to-do" list. Cause then everything else just falls into place, the way He wants it to.

I have purposely spent more time just trying to enjoy small moments with my children and husband this month.

 Walks through the trails with B

hubs coaching J

watching the joy on my husbands face when he see's that I am washing his truck for him

just enjoying this AMAZING life we have up here.

Thank you God for giving us the chance to grow closer to you.

No comments:

Post a Comment